Wednesday, November 30, 2011

I miss Adult Sandwiches

In a rare occurance last week all of the kids went with us to the grocery store.  They picked out bologna and peanut butter for their sandwiches this week.  Me, I got ham so I could take sandwiches to work with me.

 A couple days later......
Middle child "Mom, can I make a sandwich?"
Me "Sure, go ahead, just make sure you clean up after you're done"
2 minutes later
Oldest Child "Mom, can I make a sandwich?"
Me "Go ahead, just make sure that you put everything back when you get done"
Oldest Child "Got it"
30 seconds later
Youngest Child, yelling from the kitchen "MMOOOOOMMMMMMMM, can Kynz make me a sandwich?"
Me yelling back from living room "YES!"

5 minutes later.....
I walk into the kitchen and put away the bread, ketchup, and mustard

5am I walk in from work, go into the kitchen to make a sandwich, discover that my kids ate all of my ham.  They were nice enough to leave me the peanut butter and bologna though. 

New rule, mom's ham gets hid so she can quit eating peanut butter sandwiches.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Are you sure you graduated in the 90s?

During my Black Thuraturday shopping spree this year I finally got myself a touch MP3 player, no it's not a touch iPod lets get real here I do have 3 kids.  Since my husband does ever so much around the house some days, I put him in charge of putting songs on my MP3 player so I could rock out while cleaning.  I figured that this was a simple, non energy using job that he could handle. 

He asked for a list of bands I wanted on there.  I rattled off several 90s alternative/grunge bands and a couple of country artists.  I get a "No Problem, got it" from him, and I went off to work on my current sketch.

Fast forward about an hour, and a few cuss words from him since he was having issues with the MP3 payer, and he hands me it back.  I plug in and start bee-bopping around the house doing my cleaning.  I was rocking out to "old school" Creed, when all of a sudden TECHNO comes through my headphones.  My first response, well I can't say that on a parenting blog but I'm sure that you can figure out what it was.  I check the play list and instead of Stained, awesome band, I had Stain K, evidently techno band from Europe.

Me "Um, honey, why do I have techno on my MP3 player?"
Hubs "What are you talking about, you hate techno.  I didn't put any techno on it"
Me.  *holds up earbud to his ear*  "Um ya you did, I wanted Stained not Stain K"
Hubs  "Who is Stained?  I have no clue who that is"
Me  *Jaw drops*  "Are you sure you graduated in the 90s?  We've been married 10 years, how do you not know who one of my favorite bands is?"
Hubs  "I don't know"

At this point I decided that rather than give him a lesson in 90s alternative bands that it would be better to just walk off and finish cleaning.  Next time I know to be more specific than 90s bands.  I guess that I should be happy that he didn't put Barbie World on my play list.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Someday my kids will appreciate it

8pm Thanksgiving night you could have found my mother and I standing next to two pallets of bicycles at Walmart.  All 3 of my children needed new bikes this year, and Black Friday was the day to get them.  So the two of us stood there for 2 hours before they went on sale at 10pm to make sure we could get them.  We had been planning our route since the Black Friday ads came out and the Walmart bikes became top priority.  Being veteran Black Friday Shoppers we can usually get what is at the top of our list, and get out without being pummeled to death.

It takes a special person to shop Black Friday year after year.  You usually see very few men out shopping, according to my husband this is because women are crazy that day, and the ones that are out are with their wives.  There are not too many people driving motorized carts or using canes, although I have thought of taking my husband's cane.  The majority of people are women in the ages of 25-55, with that slightly crazy look in their eye.

This year while out waiting in lines I encountered a few first timers who wanted to know how I do this year after year.  So I have came up with a list of things that help me get through those 36 hours of shopping every year.  Yes, I was doing Black Thuraturday this year.

1.  DO NOT drink a lot of fluids.  Yes, you do need to stay hydrated.  Unfortunately the fluids that you take in, must come out.  Waiting outside in a line the last thing that you want to do is have to go pee and lose your spot.

2.  DO NOT get a cart if you don't need one.  When a store is over fire code with the amount of people in it, pushing a cart through it is a pain in the butt.  You can weave in and out of people much quicker if you don't have a cart to try and do it with.

3.  Take a partner.  Partners come in handy if you need to pee (see rule1), have large items that require a cart (see rule2), or need more than one of something that there is a limit on.  In case one of you needs a cart the other one can weave through the crowd to get to items on your list.  They are also helpful if  you need a boost into a bin of pillows, yes I had a friend dive into a bin of pillows one year to get one.

4.  Check your ad ahead of time to see if there is a limit on an item.  If you are wanting 3 of something and grab three then find out there is a limit of 1 when you get to the check out you are going to be pretty upset.  Read the ads ahead of time and take a partner or partners (see rule 3) if needed.  This also is good for hitting multiple places in a row as long as they open at different times.

5.  Wear comfortable clothes and shoes.  Black Friday shopping requires a combination of standing in one spot for hours and doing a mad dash to grab items.  High heels and jeans that you can barely breathe in are not on the list of things that you should be wearing.

6.  Check the weather before leaving.  I have stood outside in rain, snow, sleet, freezing temperatures, hurricane strength winds, and on occasion the nice night.  If you live in a northern state chances are that if you go out in flip flops and a tank top you aren't going to make it standing in the cold for a few hours.

7.  Plan on being to the store a minim of 2 hours before it opens, for electronics minim of 5 hours.  I know it sounds a bit on the extreme side, but for some reason stores don't even have as many of Black Friday items as they normally would carry on the shelf.  So if it's something you really want, say 3 bikes for instance, you want to be first in line for it and know exactly where you are going for it.

8.  Print out a plan of the store.  Yes, stores actually put these out online with their Black Friday Ads.  To maximize the amount of things that you can get plan your route from the most important to the least important taking the least amount of steps as possible.

9.  Pray for good line partners!!  Being stuck in line with uninteresting, non talkative people sucks!  Hopefully you get fun ones to talk to.  Otherwise be prepared for a long boring night, or have your cell phone charger with you.

10.  If you see that there are more people wanting something than there is amount of them, figure out the weakest link.  I'm not saying pepper spray them, or start a fight with them, but maybe just a hip check or accidental elbow to push them out of the way to get your item.

Some day my kids will understand the trouble that mom went to for them to have the hottest item that year.  Of course they will be over the age of  18 when this happens, because before then they don't need to see their Grandmother or Mother with that slightly crazy look in their eye right before the plastic is cut off a pallet of sale items.  When they are 18 they can come to their first Black Friday sale with us, and maybe appreciate a little bit everything that we have done over the years.  Or this could backfire on us and a woman decides that my kid is the weakest link, to which I'm going to have to accidentally elbow her.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Amber Alert Avoided

I ran into town last night to pick up a few things for the holiday today, on my way home I saw two boys waving their arms, flagging me down.  Living in the middle of no where my whole life, I've always been cautious of picking up hitch hikers, but the mom in me wouldn't let me drive that last 3/4 mile home.  The boys looked only to be about 12 and 7, and it's cold out, and it was 10:30pm.  I thought that the youngest one was carrying a child's hunting rifle, and my mind went to they had been deer hunting with their dad and there was an accident.  I went ahead and pulled over and rolled my passenger side window down a little.  What I thought was a rifle, ended up being fishing poles folded up.  The oldest one told me that they only lived a couple of miles away, so I went ahead and told them to get in the back.  I almost told the younger one he had to sit in my sons booster seat since he was so small. 
I tried to make some small talk with them while I drove them home.  Telling them my name, asking them what grades they were in, telling them what grades my kids were in, simple things.  The younger boy was crying and I told him I'd have them home in just a minute. 
I pulled up to a house with all of the lights on and a ton of cars in the drive.  I'm not sure how long they had been gone, but it was long enough for the sheriffs department to have been called and the search dogs from out of town to be brought in.  Their mother pulled the boys out of my truck and ordered them into the house while their father asked my name, and thanked me several times.
I was almost in tears when I drove away, those boys were about the same age as my girls.  I couldn't imagine them being out, alone, walking around the fields, that late at night.  I know that I can't begin to know how their mother must have felt till I pulled up in front of their house, having no clue where her boys were. 
I'm glad that I was able to help out another mother last night, I just hope that she never has to repay me the favor.